Tomorrow's the Campus Run & im not mentally ready yet. Having heard the rumours about the boy who collapse in school& died made me so scared. Ive yet to sign the Standard Chartered Marathon form & pass the money. Im still thinking. After the many incidents of healthy people dropping to the floor & suddenly die of heart failure scares me half to death already. The other half of me is blanketed with the fear of prelims & A's which is in 50 odd days. But then again, the campus run is only 2km. So how tough can it get?

I havent been organizing my life since i stared mugging for prelims. & i dare say that this is not my 100% yet. I was very disappointed with today's GP paper. If i had more time, i would have crafted my AQ properly, do a proper argument supported with concrete examples & completed it. I practiced so hard for AQ & made sure i applied the right skills. But its no use when i dont have enough time to even complete the paper. Im really scared that this will be the first time im not able to pass my papers. The essay was _________. Let's just say it was a bitch. My points refuse to be inked. It was a real frustration. I've never feel like crying during a paper in my entire life. This is the first time i feel like ripping up the paper & just sit there & cry like a sore loser. I guess the pressure i put on myself in acing my GP is too much. sigh. My wrist still hurt from the 8lb (notice sarcasm) bowling ball. I couldnt write fast enough & also big enough. IT IS SO ANNOYING!!!!

Anyways, getting back, I havent been organizing my life. Just today, i opened my organizer & wrote down important things i need to complete. Accumulated work measured the size of mount kinabalu & my mind's in a major tanglepus. tsk.

note to self:
photocopy 5 JC papers for the boys
mgt consultation after tchrs day celebration
pay for marathon
cupcakes for sun & mon & tues (!!!)

MUST STOP BITCHING.

Good luck & all the best for your PRELIMS people.
For me too.
Weather's been a horror.
dont feel so good now, hmmm.

anyways, during GP we were brainstorming about some things & one of us said, "because Man are selfish". Yes, true. We humans are selfish by nature. I wont deny that because i am selfish to a certain extent to for some reasons. On the way back after going to the cafe, an old lady boarded the bus. I was standing to get ready to alight the next stop. It was a double decker bus so normally, the green seats are allocated for the disabled, elderly & pregnant. Basically, All the green seats are taken by able-bodied people. The old lady, shrunken, wrinkled & hunched was trying very hard to balance with the momentum of the bus. I merely watched. Then a few seconds of grumbling later, a mentally disabled woman stood up from her seat from the seats nearest to the driver to give it up to the old woman. Her actions set me to think. Why humans, gifted & able bodied, choose to be handicapped (READ: BLIND) & dont want to be held responsible for their actions? If we think we're superior, above all other creatures on Earth, why cant we do something to help? A simple gesture of giving up your seat for the elderly will go a long way. I mean, if i were sitting on the green seats & i see an elderly walking in, i would be ashamed of myself & give up my seat. Im still young & able. Some people choose to pretend to be asleep or watching TVMobile diligently even though it was the boring Cooking For Love.Well, presenting to you, SINGAPOREANS. We're ugly & selfish.

fin.

After tuition, it was a rat race trying to find Soto Ayam for Cikgu which left me quite frustrated. Met Fad & Hidayah E to go to NUH together to see Cikgu Lila...Alhamdulillah, nothing serious happened to her. The accident left her traumatized with a broken hand & leg. I find that Cikgu Yazid is a workerholic. Seriously, his wife just met with an accident, went through an operation at 5.30am & he's there with his laptop, Kamus & several malay books, busy typing away. I mean, we just met cikgu lila like barely months ago & i rarely talked to her. & I can safely say that this is the only time i talk so much to her. Just to break the awkward silent barrier that falls every now & then. So the least he can do is to interact too. But i understand he's a busy man. But nothing on the lines of his face shows concern to her. hmmmm.

Moral of the story?
Motorbikes are still dangerous. No matter how slow you ride it, no matter how many safety rules you follow. There are many reckless drivers out there that may endanger your life.
Isk's cousin met with an accident a day before Cikgu Lila had hers.
His bike skidded & his helmet cracked & it landed him in hospital with no broken bones, only bruises but broken cheekbones that require some constructing & torn face.

So baby, please take care when you get your own motorbike next time. Get the one like we saw. THREE WHEELS! extra balance man.. haha. i love you too much to see you lying on the hospital bed.

i look like a blind person hee but my little sister like this photo. so sacrifices. haha.

it felt gooooooooooooooood. for the past few WEEKS & MONTHS i have been procrastinating to go for a jog. only like a week ago, after i learnt that i have to represent Garnet for the Road Run, im frantically finding time to lose flabs & gain back my fast deteriorating stamina. i managed to squeeze 15mins or so completing my 2.4k diligently some days/weeks back but it was never enough, considering the amount of calories added up day by day. It was a horror. I started to count calories too, which is good, because i tend to be conscious on the calorie intake. But cravings are cravings. I have a low threshold for indulgent food. Be it chocolates, cupcakes, ice cream, soft drinks & fast food. I'll consume it one way or another. & i know its unhealthy. my diet isnt going good because i gorge down my food everytime i get to eat my 5 small meals a day. which is by right the size of my fist.
my mom called it my love-fats.
haha, why 2 years later then it developed?
okay nvm. anyways, i ran with my mom today. Its impressive that my parents have been training hard for their marathon this end of the year. Both of them shed kilos since they started jogging together every evening. If they can do it, so can i. Ever since dad's been diagnose with acute diabetes he's been doing well with his diet, with my constant nagging on his smoking of course. & im glad he took action. His recent blood test was very good, now that he's no longer diabetic, i'll make sure he stays healthy forever. Momma's been shedding her "post-pregnancy" flabs too. She told me her butterfly wings reduced cos they dont jiggle as much when she waved goodbye to her friends (: So Julie managed to run 5km today with alot of pain. haha, i pushed. & did interval too. I ran among the old folks along the river. I counted how many Adidas shoes i saw.
eighteen.
out of them, 5 pairs belongs to young adults. wow.
i might be a bit achy after doing pumpings & obliques. maybe tomorrow.
OH! talking about tmr, im going to mug like hell at the cafe again. i love their beerfloat. the ice cream is vanilaa-ish but not really vanilla. i suspect its butterscotch & macademia. YUMMY!!

yesterday:

tuition got cancelled cos the boys were tired. & it happens that boyfriend's sis has 4 extra tickets to King & I that very night! so i picked up the offer & we were finding people to give the other 2 tickets. Went to the cafe to study first but i got distracted by the amount of imported magazines (READ: CELEBRITY GOSSIPS & FASHION) there was no way im going to forgo it for my econs. haha. anws King & I was fabulous! really worth the free ticket (: We had Satay at Glutton's Bay after that. yummy. & a walk by the bay at night.

On Wednesday, i had yet another gastronomical adventure at Queensway. Hidayah & Sufian brought us to eat the "delish" chicken rice. But it wasnt anything special to me. The ones at toa payoh & amk is nicer. CHARSIEW CHICKEN RICE!!! yum yum.
at the SAC, people took advantage of the bean bags & throw pillows. haha, yes, for a quick shut eye!
I was the only one awake after 4 periods because i was kinda disturbed by the huge hole on my shoe.

• i had a ball of a time at King & I although it was seriously last minute. We had 4 free tickets & we hadta forgo the other two tickets etcetera etcetera etcetera (we had very good seats though)
  
• i can no longer fit into my SKINNIES :((
• accidents are no joke.
• Mrs Sukir has dual traits
  
• Dinner cum supper was at Glutton's Market eating satay. YUM!
• before King & I started, we chilled at T3cube cafe (: i didnt study at all. i was too engrossed in the overseas magazines & the yummy rootbeer float. MACADEMIA!
• photocopy uncle charged me only 0.025cents per piece. Hooray for yellow rotten teethed uncle! he actually laughed with us just now (:
• "getting to know you, getting to know more about youuuuuuuuuuuu..."
• i love you.
  

20 random thoughts on the 20th:

#1 the weather is nice to sleep in
#2 i didnt realise i listened to When You're Gone 5 times today on MTV
#3 But I still like it
#4 Im a bad planner & a good procrastinator
#5 I feel like eating baked pastaaaa!
#6 I felt sickly today but actually i wasnt :)
#7 Hidayah E returned my no.7 jersey today & it smelled gooooooooood!
#8 Whatttt I'm only at 8?? I still have like 12 more??
#9 I really don't think there are 20 thoughts in my head right now.
#10 My breath smells minty & i feel like kissing isk right now
#11 I met a smelly woman at the market today & she smelled like rotten fish.
#12 I learnt alot about bears today. thanks to National Geographic Wild Channel 70
#13 I watched how Britney stripped to her bare twin peaks junow at channel E!. oh porn, porn.
#14 I ate a whole row of oreos with HL milk
#15 & then stood at the weighing scale again.
#16 & it read FIFTY FIVE FREAKING KILOGRAMzZzZZ.
#17 I think im fat
#18 So i'll go for a jog more often now & cut down on chicken intake & start counting calories
#19 talking about chicken, i just ate Charsiew chicken rice yesterday & i feel like eating again. its yummay!
#20 I'm finally done on my 20 thoughts. ta!

3 songs in my playlist:

im dead beaten.
Totally shagged to the bones.
Im really bummed out cos Didi wants to be a sissy pussy tonight. He really pissed me off. WTH is his damn problem man. seriously. My parents is the other one. urgh.

& since im pissed & done with my essays, i'll do my long procrastinated pass ons.
my cousin tagged me with this thing like a month ago:

Write down 6 weird things that people would never know about you.

1. I have a habit from young to suck my tongue while sleeping to substitute for my pacifier.
2. I keep old diaries & old photos everywhere in my room cos i like to be surprised when i find them
3. I have a fetish for sweet baby-scented guys in hot green uniform (FORSMANNNN!!)
4. Im good at crafty things but never good in art. Although i can appreciate art.
5. I used to eat mee rebus without the gravy but with soy sauce instead. That was when i was 4-5 yrs old accompanying my grandma at CHIJ.
6. I still remember a very weird dream i had when i was young. I dreamt eating a dragonfly & it tasted really sweet & delish & i seriously thought that tempeh was fermented dragonfly.

Now, write down 6 names that you would like to know weird things about them.
well, i cant think of anyone write now to bombard, but you guys can do it voluntarily.
but i want hidayah to do it! hehe

oh yes, it was a wet, wet 30th. right?
well, Happy monthsary, monster.
i love you, take care of your knee.

The econs seminar today was good, although i slept thru a good half of it. i was so tired i have no idea why. Although the professor made econs sound funner than i thought. & the only interesting lecture was the real estate part. better start saving soon cos speculators expect prices to soar sky high. Life in Singapore is so expensive. for the short 15mins in the train, me & fathiah pretended we were the only sane ones there cos Ah Kwak & Beng Su (okay, i made this name up for isk) was having their private conversation on MRT stations.

dropped by amk hub to get to the ladies when i saw my aunt. & i felt sad cos i didnt dare get up to her to salam. its not because im with my boyfried & im embarrassed, but its just that.. sigh in a long story cut short & brutally curt, she's suppose to be dead by now. But Alhamdulillah, Allah gave her a chance to live longer. She's barely 40 & she's diagnosed with brain tumor & the doctor gave her 6 weeks to live. & that was a year ago. She's strong now, with what, 2 young kids. But i saw the sadness in her eyes when our eyes met.

After sending him off for his riding test i went home alone, with mind tired & thinking.
there was alot of "what if"s.
Life is very short. & i dont think i can fulfill all my aspirations by the time i grew of a ripe old age.

& you know what?
i lay oblivious to all that is happening around me. i hurt people whom i love, i get hurt by the people whom i love. its a vicious cycle that's hard to break free. Inevitably, you're gna end up hurting the others around you for your own selfish reasons.


i think i'll suspend all my tuition im tutoring.
Didi & Syasya can do without me for abit til im done with my prelims.
& i cannot commit so much to Mimi's demand.

I think Big sister just lied to me :( i have that gut feeling.

these days been horrible.
& ive been thinking alot lately.
but what the heck.
It's my boy's birthday today.
He's 17+2 (: haha. everyone asked me "WHY 17+2?"
oh wells. i paused, rewinded & played back a thousand times already so i shant say it anymore.

he was still sick today! :( i was praying hard that he'll feel much better to at least come to school

i baked Devil's Food mini cupcakes for him & those who helped or came to celebrate (: my fingers were totally shivering while frosting the cupcakes. i was having a very mixed feeling yesterday. haha. oh wells. there were very limited mini cupcakes left so i gave one to Mithali who's birthday falls on the same day too! Baby gave out the rest of the mini cups (:
Thanks to all those who made Iskandar smile! especially syaqir who really helped alot!

After school was jam-packed.
The juniors organized a testimonial match against them. so its seniors VS juniors. i didnt play because i forgot about my courtshoes & toiletries!! wasted. me & fad were itching to play. but at least i get to be the referee for the game! so fun. now i know how difficult it is to concentrate on the game if there's so many cute boys running around in court....NOT! they're so annoying i kept on calling for slashing & pushing. tsk tsk. the girl's match was pretty relaxed but whn it comes to the boys... sigh.. i hadta jump in & out of court faster to avoid collision from the bulldozers.
& then it was phototaking. lucky for this, cos i already missed my class phototaking session :( boo. The juniors are sooooooooooooo loving! Suha gave the seniors a super-mini bottle with our names innit. touched. & Suu gave each of us a scroll bearing her wishes. awhhhhhhh.
i still havent get anything from Zaibug tho cos i left early. i didnt stay for the movie & pizza.
grr.
im gonna miss floorball.
really.

it was painful.
& the days were dull without you.

Happy 19th Birthday Sweetheart.
im sorry :(

i stared at my pile of undone prelim papers & cried while doing it.
its been three days.
i cried doing maths for three days.
i dialed boyfriend's number & sobbed.
"try again", he said.
i took flight to the nearby mart to get a tub of Ben&Jerry's to drown my fear of maths.
i only ate 1/4 of the Cherry Garcia but i was craving for Marshamarshamarshmellow :(
ive never felt more of a failure than this.
but so far, ive sat for 4 hours in this swivel chair, cracking my brain with 10mins of short bursts of jumping jacks, 50crunches, 20 pushups & 1/2 more of what's left with the B&Js.
i felt like a loser, still.
then i tried to dance.
i dance my way silly to whatever song i played on the stereo.
i giggled at how my fats around my tummy jiggle & then i stopped& grabbed them & told them to disappear.
disappear forever.
i havent been running for the longest time. i ran yesterday (or was it 2 days ago?). itsjustnotenough.
mom's been speculating that ive some eating disorder.
cos i rarely eat at home, i skip lunch if i eat bfast & i skip dinner if i eat lunch.
well, truth is, im fine. im eating fine.
cos for breakfast i eat for 2. LOL.

well, the point is, im taking an undeserved break. with what, only 4 hrs of work & im online?!my econs essays are nearly done. better get back to it before i have nightmares about it.

[edit]
some happy thoughts
my heart (:

[/edit]

8th August

spells disaster.
the celebration was so dead.
I miss the bartley times where we had a mini "mosh pit" on stage & we tossed the P & Mr S. Everyone was enthusiastic. This year, i was very disappointed. Hah, maybe its just the school.
Not surprisingly, i didnt take any photos this year. Im just dont have the urge to do it.
Last Year's:




everyone was happy back then.

9th August
Went over to boyfriend's to bathe his cat for him & brought along my huge cat carrier for her so that it's easier to transport her to the vet. After that he fed me with lontong & roti prata & watched telly. i got bored so i fed Ayu (his arowana) with 6 goldfishes & traumatized the rest (: i liike. afterwhich i sat down to settle with his XBOX & played some kiddish ghost game but it was really entertaining. Had a small chat with his grandmama & we went off to Cafe Galilee to study.
Tutored Mimi & he gave me a free pass to MOS (:
That's about my national day.

10th August
Boyfriend treated me to Phad Thai (:
today's study wasnt fruitful cos he wasnt feeling so well so i hadta send him home so that he could rest. poor boy.
My mom baked cupcakes for Didi's party. I was too tired to do it so she took all my recipe books & cake decorating books to try out piping on her own. My aunties & grandaunt/mom said tt im selling my cupcakes too cheap! haha, i dont think so & im not thinking i wld want to push the price any higher. I think its reasonably priced.

photo post.
im too tired to think.
(click photo if you cant see)
1) Mom & her yummy Strawberry Custard Tart; 2) some greenery; 3) my not so messy table; 4) Kitty Cat & econs essay at 6am; 5) with hotdogs & mayo-ed buns; 6) yours truly

im gonna make cupcakes for Didi for his belated birthday kenduri (party?) tomorrow. Im making mallow-crisps for the kiddos too (:

Sabby sabby sabby. im so tempted.
oh wells, hidayah slept over at my place yesternight to mug. We did effectively learn up our exchange rates & BOP & all that int'l trade. It was 2hrs way after her bed time so she slept first while i continued mugging til 1plus. we woke up at ard 6 & studied again. went nlb to continue studying but we were too late & the crowd was maddening. so left home for lunch & sent her off.
cant wait for the next!
hopefully fad can make it.

OH YES!
i had a round of donuts from Donut Factory. i bought the new flavour. nothing new but i cannot resist DOUBLE CHOCOLATE. i want more. they got gobbled up so fast i didnt have time to take snaps of it.

im down again :(
stupid gastric.
Mdm M called to check on me & talked to momma about my performance in school.
mom complained, what's more.
& yeah.. its my first time visiting the doctor alone.
i just lost the drift to blog.

something to relieve abit of tension im having now.

What did you do a few minutes ago? : i took a shower
Why did you do that? : cos i just came home
Who's on your mind now? : about my future
Do you miss school? : not even abit
Where are your parents? : Momma went to fetch Didi & Dad is preparing to go to work, AGAIN.
Do you love your siblings? : yes, unfortunately
Are you sometimes moody? : i guess so.
Where do you want to go? : somewhere where the sea meets the sky, where the sun shines brightly on my bronzed skin, where i have no worried about what lies ahead of me in life, where the warm white sand tickles my toes & breeze in my hair.
What best describes you? : an oven
Are you picky? : yes
Do you love shopping? you're asking the obvious
Where do you usually go shopping? mostly online & FEP or anywhere if its on an impulse
What are the best three things you'd like to do? blogging, baking & sleeping
How long do you take to shower? 20mins tops
If you win 10 000 dollars, what will you do? i'll put 3/4 of it in my savings account & spend the rest
What freaks you out? cockroaches & flying insects
Where do you live? in sunny singapore
Are you the president of any clubs? no
Are you a prefect in school? no
What's your opinion about chocolates? aphrodisiac :D
What color is your room's wall? baby blue
Who cleans your room? momma
Last testimonial? dont know
What are you feeling right now? sick & stressed
What time did you wake up this morning? 10am
How many times has your profile been viewed? dont know, dont bother
If a stranger happens to smile at you, would yousmile back? yeah, i like to smile
What does Donald Trump means to you? man with a beautiful young wife & daughter, with house plated with gold. i'd love to be his cleaner.
What are you going to do after this? complete my essays
If you spot your ex, will you smile at her/him? perhaps
Who was the last person you messaged? boyfriend
Did he/she reply you back? yes, but i havent replied him
Who do you miss right now? my late grandfather
Favourite sports? not any right now. i feel like going for a swim tho.
Having difficult time with your schedule? im a sucker when it comes to schedules. i procrastinate alot. BAD!
Who made you smile today? boyfriend
What's your favourite tv show? CSI & brothers & sisters & desperate housewives topped with a little Ugly Betty
Do you like to receive sms? huh, ive got no choice right? i cant go to people & say, hey this is my number so pls sms me cos i like receiving smses.
Who do you like to chat most? not any at the moment
Last person to greet you goodnite? Henna
The one you still love? Dogol
Who? points up
What was ur last huge arguement about? cant remember
Do you feel any regrets of letting go of someone? i doubt so now
What song r u listenin right now? Shut Up & Drive
Who made your last testimonials? ntah
Who do you think loved you so much? EVERYONE! haha
Any heartfailure? later after i get my A lvl results
The first person in your phonebook? abigail
Ever been fooled? yes
Whats the best thing about your bro/sis? i get free movies everytime with free lunch/dinner to boot!
Whats your activities the next day? wake up, bathe, ride to school, gossip, tuition, pick hidayah up, sleepover, mug like crazy.

PLEASE BE HONEST, UR INLOVE WITH?? radin tri iskandar bin paat sumanto
What color is most reflective of you? i dont know. bronze i guess
How did you get the idea for your profile name? it was a word by avril
Do you want a baby? if im granted, i would love to have not one, but 2 babies. my auntie had a twin. i want twins too.
What did you do this morning? went to the poly myself
What does your dad do for a living? work at the embassy
What was the last movie you watched? transformers
Who do you dislike at the moment? hmm, i learnt to forgive & forget.
What do you crave right now? the starwberry curd tart my mom just baked & charsiew chicken
What was the last TV show you watched? brothers & sisters (woah! tt was on monday!)
What is your favorite piece of jewelry? my engraved heart locket which is still in sentosa :(
What was the last thing you ate? tahuay
Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? boyfriend
Write a song lyric that's in your head? "Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams, Just go ahead, let your hair down.You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow."
Who last SMSed you? boyfriend
What are you wearing? perfect10 shirt with white shorts
What is your favorite frozen treat? Ben&Jerry's dublin mudslide
Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? not at the moment
What did you do last night? essays
Do you care what people think about you? yes
Have you ever done something to instigate trouble? i think so
What is one thing you wish you were better at? making use of my time to study than to do this time-wasting thingamajik.