AH WELL.


finally i had the drive to blog properly with photos & everything. EDITED OKAY!
but i just had to put everything into frames & choose the wonderful ones. so there.
today is my first day for trg after my injury. obviously daddy (who's on a cold war with me) isnt happy. he grunted whn i told him im gg for training. oh wells.



met aidah for abit before my trg to catch up on things.
we had lunch/dinner & headed to Chippy's to get Fried Mars Bar. i was bugging her to, so yeah (:
its really yummy, you guys should give it a try.
went shoe shopping at PP & Ex-B. i saw a really nice NIKE women's courties. but i dont know if its really worth the buck.
hmm, shall try my luck somewhere else.



we went around that area & she brought me to Shatec's restaurant& bar. its a lavish restaurant & all that & its run by shatec students. interesting. so yeah, walked back & we found this chalk drawing on the floor. you know when you get those emails from you friends showcasing this:

i had no idea about it til i read the little scribblings at the bottom of the drawing. we hafta take photo of it in order to see it. so i took a few & i was intrigued by it. nice right. its amazing.

alright babies, PHOTO TIME!

the boy ordered cheesecups from me for his momma (:
im gna make sth extra for her.


its a surprise!
& im getting excited.
-crosses fingers-

i need to dissect my brain & check if any nerves are missing.
ive been dreaming more, & focusing less. which is bad.
& being wide awake but not focusing is just as bad as dragging half my body to school & dozing off at every other lesson.

i need a holiday.

i need a morale booster.

i need a warm hug.

i need to prioritise (a little late, but never too late.)

i need to finish the GP essay competition.

i need to eat less.

i need more chocolates (aphrodisiac)

i MUST PROCRASTINATE LESS.
omg. i thought im doing good with my goal of not being a major bummer & procrastinator.
but hell no.
i slacked on revisions & im left with LESS THAN A MONTH BEFORE EXAMS.
(someone, please press the panic button like... NOW!)


oh, worry later; bitch.

the boy cuddled in to me in the bus to sleep.
the poor boy is so shagged.
he just curled up to me & slept on me.
that feeling was surreal. like, i see him ALMOST every single day, sometimes i get tired of him entertaining me too much. but i do, still do miss him. the quality we spend in school is very different u know. he dont touch me, i dont touch him.
school uniform, cannot hanky panky.
im cool about it but i just miss him.
i just gazed into the dark tree-ish surrounding & was thinking & thinking..... & thinking.
.........about what my mom cooked at home.
LOL.
i know, its really silly.
i mean, its so snuggly & comfy & all i think about is FOOD.
so suspense spoiler kan..
cheh.


adamku again tmr.
BY HOOK OR BY CROOK!
IM GOING ON THAT PERSONAL YATCH.
i will limp my way there.
haha, dramatic seh.

oh, sonia made me come for tuition late.
siang siang tak nak jumpe seh.
but i'll be coming for holiday trainings, dont worry. i should be recovering fully soon.
the salming stick is really pretty!!!
but low of cashflow. i dont think i need a stick right now. i need a new pair of shoes.
AGAIN.
fad din wait for me :(
i need to get a pair myself.
alone.
fad, you feel guilty?
no ah.. you wait.

ok taraas. i need to go before i start talking to myself again.
i hate that vulnerability.
wooooh

ACHIEVING HAPPINESS.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorise your favourite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, don't spend all you have, or don't sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives
12. Talk slowly, but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "God bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a spouse you love to talk to. As you get older, his or her conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with a current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Be wary of a person who doesn't close his or her eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go some place you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Author unknown

i found this while searching for the essay comp. i bold out the things that made me smile (:

i ate 3 bowls of porridge at 6 & my tummy's already grumbling.

im racking my brains for the essay comp tmr. but im always procrastinating or plain lazy. so im busy window shopping for clothes. GSS in 2 more days.

money come.

was baking cupcakes for Mrs Joy Tan's order tmr.
but somehow the half-half din turn out right.
shouldnt use half-half. shouldnt omit the baking powder.
the cupcakes turned out GIGANOMOUS.
haha, so i made mini cupcakes with the extra batter.
im already getting the hang of it. Nyai volunteered to sponsor me a cupcake tier! OMG!! i love her. She's gna conduct baking class. i'll be her youngest student.

haaaa. okay better search more for tmr.

i wish i have 100 hours in a day & just like SIMS2 i get like $500 every time i work, i can buy anything in the world, i can gain a skill point just by watching cooking shows & playing chess, i can simply fast forward or pause my life at any point i want, i can woohoo with anyone i want.

haha, skip the last woohoo-ing bit.

my life's in a mess.
period.
mom just talked to me.
aparently im the cause of their cold war.
& if they were to divorce, im the one at fault.
because of my stubborn-ness & rudeness.
i wish i could turn back time to that very sunday when that incident happened.
i could have just make do with what i have at home.
i can skip the study session & opted to study at home.
but no, i stood by my plans & went out without their permission, with daddy shouting at me.
i just slammed the door shut in his face.
now tell me, how am i going to gain his respect again?
im busted.
im tired.
im a wreck.
i never thought of it that way.
that its going to affect my parent's relationship.
that im putting my family in jeapordy.
that im just digging deeper into the pithole.
i put myself into this.
& i dragged along others too, unintentionally.
what moma told me made me move.
but i refuse to cry.
i refuse to admit that im in a wrong.
instead i pushed all the blame to daddy for being such an egoistic insane bastard.
i blamed him for being too engrossed with work & his only son that he neglect his 3 daughters.
i blamed him for thinking about his feelings only & not ours.
i blamed him for not trying to understand my situation.
i blamed him for being a bad father.

but am i being a good daughter to him?
was i too engrossed with school & my only boyfriend that i neglect my family?
was i thinking about my feelings only & not theirs?
did i try to understand his situation?
did i blame myself for being an egoistic insane paranoid bitch?

NO.

i never blamed myself.
why?
cos i never thought i was in a wrong.
i always thought that THIS is adult problems & kids should stay away from it.
but THIS adult problem raises concern to this KID. & THIS KID is the real cause of it.
i asked moma, am i the only stubborn one in the family. what about the others.
she said, as much as my education is higher than my sibblings, yes, by right i should have more respect towards daddy for supplying me with ample cashflows for my education.
but instead, i showed him more disrespect than my sister, who wasnt even allowed to get into UNI just because my daddy is stingy.

i dont wanna be superstitious. but when moma told me about the dreams, i cannot help but weep silently mumbling a prayer that it will never happen to my family. it will never happen. & im not even gonna think about it.

its like dejavu.
the previous times moma & daddy had a big fight & nearly signed divorce letters was because of me.
me.
me.
im the culprit.
maybe im not their child.
its really naive & childish to think about this now that im 18.
but really.
i created so many problems for them.
im the problematic child.
i see that then.
i understood that then.

but not now.
i apologised to daddy for being rude to him, i seek for forgiveness.
but did he?
no.
i wrote a letter to him, explaining full length about why my actions were as follows.
but did he even open to read it?
no.
when i passed it to him personally, did he read it?
no.
you know how i feel?
its like, my efforts of making things right is wrong.
every right i do is wrong.
i couldnt turn left cos there's nothing left.
i couldnt see that im living in this world alone.
as much as YOU tell me so, its different for your family, isk..
im afraid you wldnt be able to understand me now.
im a girl.
i see things of a different perspective.
im sensitive to feelings.
its innate.
ive been growing up in a very loving & doting family with many holidays, hugs & kisses.
& then when she entered the household,
one by one, it disappeared.
no more holidays cos most of the cash is tied up to her medical bills & all that.
no more hugs & kisses from my mom & dad every night before i sleep or before i go to school or when i come home from school.
because it may seem so FOREIGN to her & she'll say that my parents are teaching me the wrong values.
no more maid cos she think we're too dependent on her.
one by one, it disappeared.
subsequently, the tv time with family diminished cos she hogs the tv 24/7
no more movie time together cos there's noone at home to take care of her.
no more swimming time, hotel time, bowling time, golf time, or just playground time.
time is taken away from me, from us.
& this made us less united.
i no longer feel the way i use to feel towards them.
everything changed now.

now im blaming it on her, actually, it all boils down to her.
the ultimate grandmother of all mothers (or father, in this case)
she made me loathe her so much, she made my life so miserable.
she made my life living hell.
& i wldnt wanna live with her.
everything i do is wrong.
ok, so its against your values that having a boyfriend at the age of 18.
look at you.
you got married at 16.
look who's more gatal.
& was there any tinge of concern when i was hospitalised?
no.
happy got lah.
bitch.
grandmothers shouldnt be like that.
i know, im no grandmama to say this but.. nvm.
i was very hurt ytd whn moma told me dad's reaction.
mom's reaction was: picked up the phonecall, legs turned jelly, forgot to eat dinner & told daddy, & cabbed down to the hosp.
dad's reaction: watching tv, mom came into the room told him abt my news he said "malas nak layan" (lazy to see) continues watching tv.

you know how i felt?
i asked myself, if really, that accident was a major one, i fell & hit my head & had a concussion & internal bleeding or sth.
would he still come down & see me?
if i were to die, would he care?
all these things.
sigh.
i guess, we couldnt really trust stories.
cos they said, the family's breaking apart, the child gets into an accident, then the parents rushed to see the child, says sorry & loves him again. & they lived happily ever after. the end.
it never ends there.
fuck.


how i wish im still 8yrs old, being punished for getting "tiger" & "lion" mixed up.
i want our family to be the way it was 10 years ago.
when everything was perfect.

dad, dont leave us.
i love you.





happier note,
Mr Tall One came to see us.

happy 27th baby.
ala, sorry for my condition that we hafta cancel all plans for today.
i felt horrible :(
i wanna go out with him so bad.
we planned to eat satay after sports night ytd but hadta cancel it cos of the event.
sigh.
i'll make it up to you next time, promise.
i love you alot. really.
my mom cried ytd, telling the boy about me.
sigh.
i shouldnt have in the first place.

i smsed mdm M this afternoon thanking her for accompanying mom & the boy til late last night.
i said i din knw how to thank her & guess what she replied.
"its ok, you can bake me some of your lovely cakes next time when ure well"
haha, tak tau malu betol.

its 3.48am & i cldnt sleep.
last night was a total disaster with an excruciating pain to boot.
so i landed in hospital again.
fish. i hate hospitals. The paramedics scared me to death by saying that they suspected i fractured my hip and knee. i was praying it wasnt so. i know how a fractured bone's pain feel like & this one's not like any other. then the voice at the back of my head suddenly screamed at me "WHAT IF ITS WORSE THAN A FRACTURE?!" i quickly prayed in my heart that its not that. you know the consequences of fracture?
yes, plaster.
no, not that plaster when i put on if i got a mosquito bite.
the other plaster.
i hate the paramedics cos he forced me to shift my leg parallel & tie them up. it hurts like fuck. i squeezed Fad's hand & there they go fooling around that im giving birth(push julie! push! its nearly there!!!). H A H A. funny. oklah, i cried. the pain was excruciating lah. what dya expect. i thought i just pulled a hamstring. all i knw that i was grabbing my tigh & crying on the track right after i passed the baton to Nuratikah.
i collapsed and was hyperventilating like shit. Then the only voice i heard was Mr Ram's.
sickening.
"JULIE STOP HOLDING ON TO YOUR LEG! ITS NOT GONNA FALL OFF! YOU WANNA LIE AT THE TRACK FOREVER IS IT! GET UP! OTHER PEOPLE WANNA RUN!!!"
sigh.
the rest was blurry cos the pain was too excruciating. i heard Kak Isra & Sylvia tho. but thats about it. brought on a stretcher to somewhere.

[oklah, i cldnt slp cos its really painful to put my leg down.]

where was i?
oh yah...
so off to hospital i went.
together with the bf & Mdm M.
& Mingfa die die wanna follow.
paramedics din allow him to i think.
i was in & out of sleep.
waited at the ER for 3hrs til i was wheeled into the OBS-BAY. haha, this was the funny part.
i was parked beside a crazy (or was it drunken) indian man who refused to zip up his pants & was topless.
the nurse pulled the curtain so that he cldnt see me.
he was wolf-whistling to every nurse (or any woman for that matter) that walked past and calling "aunty aunty" all the way. except the cleaner lady who was on the plumb side. he called her "gemok".
haha he said "oi gemok gua dah cakap jangan call me darling! darling darling pinggeling yadeling songgo wadeleh...(continues to sing)"
& his stupid "roti milo" song is stuck in my head.
he's just crazy. haha, at least ive got some entertainment while waiting.
was given morphine to help ease the pain. that's when i relaxed & nearly dozed off until the doc came.
Doc checked, took x-ray, forced to bend knee, forced to sit up straight, forced to lift up leg, forced to tahan when he put pressure on my hip, forced to walk.
there.
results was negative, alhamdulillah. they wanted to do dno what tests but i begged to go home.
i really want lah.
i dont wanna stay in hosp with a crazy indian man.
i missed iskandar.
he stayed for me til i was discharged.
he accompanied my mom & sis (:
thanks darling. i love you alot!
Mom gave him money to take a cab home.
poor baby waited for so long. his eyes was red :(

given another load of painkillers, a week's MC & a referral letter to the GP cos they refused to let me out but im really okay lah..at least i made friends with the nurses there. there was one nurse that looks like Mira pae.

i need to sleep.
bye.

photos from yesterday's facial. one word for it: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

the meaning? (adj) Absolutely stunningly fantastic; any quality that is so indescribable that you have no real word to say it with.

yeah. actually there's an adjective for it lah, only that im lazy to rummage my brain through it. & im so not ready for GP exam tmr. i just finished baking cheesecups for Rachel's order tmr (: im pretty proud of myself (mom said that too). Kak Yuni just grunted & said that i've got the baking genes. haha, so true. i just love baking & cooking lah. & its not surprisng when Mr Raj "read" me & said that im gna grow up to be a good housewife. snorts. i will, that's for sure. But i have my plans before marriage too (: & im gna work hard for it (STARTING FROM THIS INSTANCE!).

i was plagued by the sleepy syndrome today. i dont know why i was so tardy. i dozed of like a gazzilion times during Econs & Mgt lecture. during break, i went to the comp lab to sleep. i blame it on the oh-so-relaxing shoulder & scalp massage ytd. it left me so refreshed & detoxed & light. haha. My masseuse was asking with a Tagalog accent, "strength okay?" & i said "harder" lol. i was giggling inside cos it reminded me of Garnet's cheerleading team. HARDER HARDER!! cmon lah, that guy dah lah lembut. how hard can he get? huahuahuaa..talking about "broken wrists" we saw one otw home. so jambu giler...NOT! omg. i dont know why guys wanna bacome girls so much. We're a living time bomb with pms. & we get even more destructive as we get older: MENOPAUSE!!

haha. i wonder why am i still rambling on at this hour. its nearly midnight, ive got a full paper tmr. & Sports Night. damn. Baby reassured me of my position( he said, those who got into finals are already winners ). Im gna lose anyways. Im up against Cheryl Ann & Melanie & Atikah (this yr 1 girl). I am gna faint tmr with the amt of adrenaline rush to my brain. Hennyways, Garnet is already leading (: so its okay if i lose. or come in last crawling to the finishing line or sth. BUT I WANT A TROPHY! I WANT A MEDAL! shucks. i feel like a spoilt brat.

oh i'll just end here lah. Good Luck for the papers people!

the cheesecups.

im taking orders for birthdays or any occasion that you want.
i'll set up a food blog soon, when i found time.
im specialising in CheeseCups & Cupcakes. Menu will be out soon (:
CheeseCups are sold at 80cents each for plain oreo.
Customizations are available, please approach me for details.
mail at jazai3@hotmail.com

or just contact me lah hor?

am lovin' my new firefox theme (:
& oh, im pretty hyped up about a couple of things recently that i havent got the chance to BREATHE.

first is the facial. BioSkin called during management with the help of hidayah's psychic power. it was really hilarious la...& its just in time cos im on target in my month so im having stupid breakouts at stupid parts of my face. a lil help would do good. stupid cream dont work.

Hennyways, moving on. im making ECLAIRS tmr. & STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE soon. i dont know how & why cos i have trg tmr & it ends at 9. so i dont know how im gna make it on time. so nvm. more important first. but see lah. once i start baking i cannot stop. but it'll die down i hope. with the mountaneous workload constantly pilling up, i hardly have time to myself.

urh. i jost lost my mood.
got pissed about some little internal conflict within myself.
AAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
make your mind bitch.

i actually wore 3 layers of bottom & still have winter burn.

I MISS THE SWEET POTATOES! its very yummy.

ahh ok, i shall get back to my boobs. i mean books.
bye, tits

purely unintentional. hee (:

Bon Voyage`

& oh, a happy 19th birthday to you, Jack. you shouldnt be reading this anyways. your girlfriend does.

first & foremost,
to my dear Agnes


14 days will past sooner than u expect okay? like i said in the comment posted, he'll be there with you. he's a really sweet guy (well, you knw him best!) & abt tt part when he ran back up just to say he loves you. its heart melting dear. dont worry, if u feel lonely at any part of the time, u can always call me up. or any one of us. okay?


promise to take care cos im sure he wants u to take care as much as he takes care of himself in Taiwan. LOVE U!

alright. dropped by Hidayah's hse ard noon to watch SAW III with her & the boy. omg, i was screaming & both of us was "ouching" at all the OMG OMG scenes. hahaa. what a way to describe our disgustion. but its NICE LAH. especially the skull part. i cld feel my own brain pulsing man. urghhh. boyfriend left early to watch SPIDERMAN 3 AGAINNNNNN.

taught hidayah abit of mgt cos she wasnt feeling well. sooo yeah. went off to tpy to study for awhile before i got chased out & met the rest for dinner. apparently my mom forgot to call me to remind me about the dinner. nvm, i was mad but i kept quiet.
went home alone feeling very pissy &&&&&&&&&&&&&&



i love you girl.

she popped by my house to give me CUPCAKES! so sweet. thanks alot, you made my day(: tell ur mom that too!

see how happy i am after receiving the pretty & scrumptious cupcakes.

more cooking for me!

the cheap lemau tarts

julie & yaya

HELLO WORLD, MEET UMAYA!

FUCK.
just when the day was going on all fine & dandy.
cibai.
you fucking whore!!!!!!!

(whore = me. not anyone else, just in case anyone terase)


on a lighter note:

• spidey3 is a must watch. [ 4.5 caramel popcorns with melted butter out of 5]
• the mee soto outside is scrumptious
• ive been approved of the BioSkin diamond biodermabrasion offer & lots more. HEAVEN.
• my cousins & aunt from Australia is here for the week (they're sleeping over at my place)
• fine, i just lost my mood for everything..

ketiak kuning.

(un)fortunate night. its bad karma.

number of the day: 552.
when i reach 593, i'll tell you k?

guess what ive been doing.. NOTHING! i was just aimlessly reading someone's archives. hahaa. i havent been doing that for a very long time now. its really nice to laugh at that person's mistakes & such but im not being haughty here. i knw im not perfect too. people make mistakes too. (hint hint) to err is human.

im really all geared up for GSS. right hidayah? we've been doing nothing but making plans after plans after plans for the big burn-up.
shopping.
my pebret (:

i feel like eating deviled eggs all of a sudden. screw you KRAFT!

ive been meaning to type a proper entry since eons ago. (i can hear Agnes nagging at me) But im either too tired or too busy to do so or just plain tardy. well, May first is here. that leaves us about 5months til A levels. But that's not the point. The point is, i had a heavenly 13-hour pig-o-thon yesternight. omgosh, its really refreshing & i think ive cleared at least half my sleep debt. Alot of updating to do, but pardon for my bad memory, i cant recall exactly what happened these few days. The only thing i remembered is that ive been eating McDs for 7days straight! oooh trans fat. gross.


Baby popped by on Sunday to fetch me from my study. i thought i'd die of boredom studying alone, but thank God i didnt. revised quite a sum, i might say. & of cos dazing for abit. when i was thinking for an ans for mgt, i looked out of the window & saw this Ahpek popping. LOL. it was damn funny lah. i dont think he's drunk, he's just insane. He was popping & jittering & then he broke to a dance then abruptly stopped & squatted down. then he stood up & started popping & "break dancing" again & abruptly squated (this went for 5mins for a span of 1meter). it was hilarious. i have to bury myself in notes to stop myself from laughing too hard. & apparently i was the only one who saw him. cos i looked around to see of any of them noticed him but everyone was doing their work. lol. oooh, & another person in Mcds was insane as well. There's this lady, she's studying nursing cos i saw her bag & notes. she kept on switching places & when she's reading her notes she's smiling & mumbling to herself. then she looked away from her notes & did the same. smiling & talking to herself & nodding all that. wah siao.

& OH MY GOODNESS.
Daddy bought a new bike.
He bought a Phantom.
-faints.
dah buang terbiat gaknye. He's like old, hello.

just the normal school days.
#1 fad counting donuts
#2 baby sleeping when i told him to finish up his compre
#3 a dragonfly popped by
#4 one of the early morning days

blistered toes. owch.