its the time of the month again.
sometimes, i feel like a robot, with no feelings, with no prior knowledge of the people around me.
its like, as a human, i cant even function properly.
i wish i was born a healthy baby.
i wish i was born with a perfect hole-less heart & a functioning system.
i wish that i do not need to rely on medication to live.

sigh. with low pain treshold, i was doubling in pain the whole night. i cant even sleep after mom gave me sleeping pills. the pain was unbearable. then in the day, i was watching discovery home & health (cable 70) about women giving birth. it was scary, but i cannot stop thinking if i'll be strong enough to push my baby out without any epidural. eeeeps. motherhood scares me.

i dont wanna grow up.

At Stamford's

At Botanic's

At Bustop

Ramlee fanatics Ferris Wheel at-the-making

floorball camp was fantastic. tiring but fun (: i bruised myself a couple of times when playing a match against the boys. Alex's hip clashed with my hip. eeeeps. bone rage i tell you. i suffered a blue-black hip. me & fad din stay overnight. mainly due to my overprotective parents. (not fair! syasya's only 13 & she went for 9827371 overnight camps & im not allowed to stay for a ONE NIGHT camp. hmmmfff) fad went home too cos she has noone to sleep with. so sweet right? haha. okay, back to camp. We played netball -__-" during our floorball camp. haaah. the boys were having trg so we're basically free. guess what.. im in-charge of food again. then was OBS, now ili picked me to be the mummy. i fed them with chicken rice for lunch & dinner.. bread, kaya & margarine for supper. the rest had sprint trg at 10pm. phew.

came again next morning with milo & bread for them. me & fad were having bfast in the canteen when the boys came & told us about their "adventure". so anti climax! hahaa.. Raj tore his pants during their "escape". haha damn funny. everyone was repeating & re-repeating the story. & that anti climax ahpek outside school at 2am. that was the funniest. before that they clubbed in the bunks. open floor with Banghra & whatever genre they have in their mp3. i can almost imagine it la.. with all the moshing they did & body surfing. haaa.. fun. but i din regret not staying over. cos all of them were lacking of sleep. i had 7hours of mine at home at the comfort of soft pluhsy bed. hee.

the 2nd day flew very fast. i came, ordered food for them, ran, waited, talked, laughed, walked a long way to find the bustop, at last taking a bus where we just came & took another bus again to C-dence. Mr R planned for us to have our focus training by playing Laser Quest. But the police force booked it for the whole day so we ended up playing BOWLINGGGGG! yey! it was frickin fun. & i chipped my nail. but its okay, the adrenaline was too great for me to feel the pain. girls played 1 game only cos we had trg aft tt. the boys played another 3 games i think. all the muslim boys forgot abt their prayers. ish ish ishhh..Mr R tompang-ed us to school & showed us where our road run will be held. quite okayla.. 5click run. shared a pack of fried rice with fad & went to our bunk for a nap then off to trg. suppose to break camp by then.


showered, ate cup noodle with fad & we're like the only ones in the school. then home sweet home.


our laser quest was postponed to Wed. I CANNOT WAIT. yey yey nak main tembak tembak!
floorball was never this fun.

sushi ala vitz.

licking the yummy vitz

roo & vitz

daddy & daughter

hear nothing on ur right ear, see nothing & cup no breast, grope no groin, see nothing & cup no breast & hear nothing on your left ear

fad & julie

my sleeping partner, eating partner, running partner, bus partner etc

dont know

my sis exhanged her BLACKBERRY TAK GUNER with a Nokia E65. it's damn sleek, so thin, better thn any slide phone ive ever seen. pretty!

for Rose's sake, i edited my format k? haha. look at the girl k rose.

anyways, the world havent been nice to me :( my coughing fits have been brought up to a new level of vommiting up phlegm & what-nots i ate earlier. Mom said i look bullimic (obviously not cos she havent seen the amount of flabs i have). & the days been reduced to nothing but rush, rush & more rushing. Yesterday alone was spent going thru tuition assignments & ive yet to start on my mountaneous pile of tutorials. eeeeeeps. School's reopening in a few days of which this is tentatively my last day of the holidays cos tmr til sat will be my floorball camp. gurhhh.. so sunday is left with rushing ALLLLLL the tutorials plus manage some time to revise for the tests coming! goodness.

okay, i shall stop lamenting & take action! But first, i need to go for my hair appointment. Fucking hair's been annoying the shit outta me. The bang's really killing me. well, i din ask for bangs, i only said, trim my fringe. & she made it look like bangs. arrrhhh.

hidayahhh! i miss you :(
& guess what girl? syikin emailed me. (HAHAHAHAAAA) she said im unfair cos i din put her in my list. So she cant read my blog. lalalaaaa..
& i dont feel like jamming. ive got tonnes to catch up esp with sch work. i need to prioritise. sorry!

Fad!
are you going for the camp? my parents din trust me, they thought im off for a friend's chalet cos there;'s no fucking consent form. i wanna complain already. so fad you can play bass lah hor.

Agnes!
play PSP so much, dont bother to blog anymore lah! hahaa.. im jealous okay :)

Rose!
Update the blog leh. its been stagnant since the MT results. & put up the NEMO photos. ure making my butt itch with jealousy. hahahaa..miss u girl.

Aidah!
yeah, i told u i cried while thinking of you the other day. we need to do serious catching up. i swear im gna cry when i see you next time :(

Veron!
Thanks for the sweet msgs. it made me feel so much better lah. Somehow you made me miss the times i used to share with u. my tofu partner. the bully. the endless talking in class & we still write on each other's paper aft being scolded endless of times. ahaa. miss you girl. i met huimin ytd. She scored ACC C5. ive yet to meet you guys. the next bbq? i promise i'll go, as long as its not duing the fasting month & not during my exams.

My computer is getting on my nerves. It's getting slowe & slower. Laptop's beyond repair & sis just borrowed Dad's MasterCard to buy a new laptop online. hmmm. He said i can shop online too using his credit card as long as i pay him back. i cant afford to be in the "spending mood" eventhough i ought to buy some more clothes & shoes for myself. My wardrobe is filled with old & unused clothes from yesteryears. i saw a pair of pretty jellies in FEP & a few nice tops too. i nearly wanted to get new skinnies from TopShop the other day but my conscious & my dangerously depleting money supply gets the better of me. eeeeps. But i seriously need to shop laaaahhh, before i die of frustration.

Off heavy books & tutorials, i finally got out of the house without much thought of school or any guilt for not completing my tuition assignments. Handed in the DRQ & met Man, Mi & Mie (go figure) in 941. Man was going swimming with Ashirah... hmmmm, interesting (: Me & Isk talked to JunLong's gf & i kept on smsing him that he's late & his gf is damn upset with him. hee. She's a nice girl! anways, after Lim Jun picked his gf up & off for a movie, me & the boy set off to Botanical Gardens. I kept on giving away that idea of having a mini picnic with the boy cos im always afraid of bumping into my Dad who works just opposite BG. But i decided to give it a try (: IT worked well & im very satisfied of today's bumming session. Cos we practically did nothing! Just eat, walk, talk, lie down & read. We did some grocery shopping for our picnic of course, i made Clam Chowder & bought Curry Chicken (FAD& ROSE! RMBR OBS?! THAT CHICKEN CURRY ROCKS) & hot tuna with wholemeal bread. food was fab, basically simple yet yummy. Din manage to finish all up tho. Fed the swans & fishes & terrapins. OMG, that place made me reminisce about my childhood so much, i cant stop telling isk about it over & over again. I guess living at Nassim Road beats anywhere ive ever lived before. That place is unique. The morning weekend strolls with just Mom, Dad & Kak Yuni, with me in the pram & kak yuni tagging behind. Mom with her ultra long & silky hair & dad with his Afro hairstyle. haha, me... botak & wearing a dress. & kak yuni, bogeh. haha. i really missed those times, but somehow i cant really recall everything that happened then. I grew up too fast :(

But after the major renovations, its lovely! The old BG that ive been like 8234169 times is much scarrier yet peaceful.

0. Econs Seminar on Public Policy @ NTU
1. My boyfriend. his hair's too long already
2. Rajeev catching up with his 40 winks
3. Lim Jun busy smsing his gf
4. a scenery this morning. sunrise! now you know what time i woke up :(
5. town town towwwwnnn! only smarties have the answers.

haircut.its more manageable now (:
Kak Yuni's new BlackBerry.

OMG. THIS I GOTTA SHOW. THE MOMENT I SAW THIS GIRL, IT REMINDED ME OF ROSMAINY BINTE BUANG. SHE LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU BEFORE YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!!! right right right?!!!
anws, send me Nemo photos kay!
& i'll be next (:

To those who are invited, HELLO!

today's part of our so called PU3 "retreat" is none other than the rich & the famous Adamku (my adam). He was quite a mouthful & no doubt i was inspired by his motivational talk aptly named "Take Flight". He made me change my mindset & finally put a stop to my bad habit of major procrastination. I remember me proclaiming myself as a Procrastinating Queen & i was silly enough to feel contemplated abt it. But that's not the point. The thing is, i learnt alot, & i left the seminar feeling a sense of direction in life, & constantly envisioning myself as a successful psychologist next time. & im loving this positive vibe around me. & he ended the talk (with plenty of tummy filling yummy delicious breakfast, lunch & teabreak) with a video on Law of Attractions. It was really jaw-dropping & i was really interested to know more about it. This is one of the rare times that im awake during seminars. Speaking of which, im attending an Econs Seminar at NTU tmr.

Days can be so tiring at times.

Omg. Gamers should be banned from using the computers in school. They're just wasting space & electricity. These crazy bunch of guys just shoo-ed a girl away from the ResourceRoom just because one of their gaming friend have no computers to use. (i think they locked the system cos most of the computers cannot be logged in). So the poor girl has no idea that all the other computers cant be used tho (up til now she's walking around aimlessly switching on the computers & trying hard to log in). These gamers are just downright fucking irritating. & of course im being sucha chicken to tell these boys off. If i was braver, i would have chopped their fingers off & sell it in the black market. They ought to banned from any computers.
buggers. (anyway, she scolded the guy & demanded for the computer back. WAY TO GO GIRL!)
So now im aimlessly killling time eventhough im only 3/4 way through my essays. & I just remembered that there's AQ to do. eeeps. Stress, stress, go away. I simply lost my sense of urgency. So much for scolding Didi for not having it :( i keep on lamenting about how much work load that's been shoved to us. Ive been thinking about nothing but school & work 24/7. & i'd be a mental blob by the time i reach home, losing all my abilities to think rationally. I think sooner or later, i'll lose my marbles & i'll be like that boy :(

i guess this is what it'll be like till september.

I think im dieing. i felt like a corpse the whole day. My chest hurts, i may be running a fever, my lungs wheeze when i breathe & i just dont feel well. & he's not making me feel any better :(
sigh, sigh. my health is deteriorating. time to pop in tonnes of VITC.

On top of that, my memory is not making things good. Ive been carelessly forgetting about appointments, tutorials, & even eating sometimes. I got so hungry the day before & realised i only ate a slice of pancake in the morning & nothing for the rest of the day. Schools should lax a little. But who am i kidding?! This is Singapore & there's nothing more important than money & education. So here we are, mugging our brains & butts off & at the end of the day, nothing's gna change on that piece of paper you'll get.

Sorry, im just very scared of the big As. seeing my seniors crying & not making into Uni gave me a negative motivation to do even better, to at least try to get decent grades for Uni. SMU is waiting for me. Dad said there's a possibility of me going overseas Universities if......
okay, let's ignore the IFs.
sigh. 40mins til tuition starts. i better get my ass out & finish my 1/4 done essay.

no, really!poor Siraj broke a chair....AGAIN. this isnt the first time, mind you (guffaws)


fb trg was not bad per se but i just cldnt focus. i cldnt do the samba & high-knee lift properly at all. felt so pancet. But cldnt be lah... Conditioned already still like that. My stamina is already at its peak but my will power is yet to be nurtured. Me & Fad went off earlier cos it'll be too late for us. Our mummies will scold, hor Fad? Then if our mummies scold us, our dads will kepo2 thn rotan us!
Wah, scarey sia.
LOL. wait, i forgot my billabong bag! (inside joke)
no link with anything, but nvm.


oh, i was disappointed by the laksa i ate today. i was craving for it for ONE WEEK ALREADY! & it turned out not so lemak. eeee. so bland. i prefer mom's laksa with plenty of taopok & fishcakes & she'll add tiny quail eggs & cockles. OMG! im craving for mom's laksa already.


& in addition to the $10 Popular Voucher MdmM gave me for my results, Dad gave me a metro voucher (: thanks.
can buy bra already XP

SHAGGED!

im just disappointed with my family at times.
why bother to "celebrate" if you forgot all about me?!
why even for a start, think of sth as ridiculous as this?
its just a D. a DEEEEEE. not AAEEHHHH.
its just 2A 2AO. whats there to celebrate. siao.
& then the worse thing is, yes, plans are ruined so there's always planB. but when plan B cease to exist, what do you to? push the blame to others? yeah, that's what exactly my parents did. i cant be bothered sometimes. Dad wanted to bring us for dinner but since THEY came over, we had to be a good host. So he decided to just tapao food home. & they jolly well forgot to buy me dinner. They bought for every single one of the others. except me. the one who he is "celebrating" for. you know how i felt?! i felt invisible. None of them bother to apologise. None of them bother to offer their food to share with me. If this is family, i wonder what is friends.

on a much lighter, uncelebrated note, i got down to running personal errands for myself today with the boy. He's sweet enough to accompany me through the rain to deposit my money, pay my bill & get some groceries. He sniggered when i brought him to the sanitary pad section in NTUC. i took some time to check prices & brands for my pantyliner & he became restless & embarrassed to be spotted in that isle. LOL. guys. bought kitty food for his cat & shower foam & pantyliner for me (:

Visited my FAVOURITE shop but nth caught my eye. hee. & of course the Leopard Dance (inside joke) & the not-so-nice-from-a-different-stall pinapple drink. yucks.

Earlier in the day we went to visit the infamous Career Fair 2007. Up to date, ive been there for 4 years in a row. & only this year that it opened my eyes. Now that im certain for which path im taking, the other diverse paths are, should i say, considerable. i asked alot of qns as compared to the yesteryears & got my queries clarified. There's another one in May & that's gna be better cos more companies & organisations will set up their booths. so more avenues for exploration (:

out of my haste, i went out of my house in tanks & shorts to the nearby photocopy shop (just a road away). & while walking, i notice how funnily my boobs jiggle. & i realised i din bother to put on a bra! OMG. but the thing is, i was too lazy to walk back just to put on a bra & walk out again, considering my tank is dark enough a colour to conceal my nippies.. So i continued walking, laughing every now & then at how my boob jiggle at every step i took. haha. The uncle's son was there today. KakYuni & I named him Rudolf (dont ask us why). So i said a big hi to rudolf. (i nearly said HI RUDOLF but i stopped at the HI RRR...) He tried to strike a conversation with me but i wasnt really paying attention cos i was too preoccupied with my boobs (i was afraid he knew i wasnt wearing any bra you seeeee..) i wanted to just drop the book & come back with sth decent but NOOOO... he said he was kinda blur so he needed me to check everything. so i stayed, trying not to be so obvious; i sucked my chest in. 10 mins seemed like eternity, just to get the things sorted. bummer. but i still think he overcharged me. faggot.

& since when did tutorials start pilling up higher than Everest?! i cant even do any shit of it. i think i wanna cry already.

results results results.
my malay sucked. mom & dad laughed at my pathetic marks. both of them said the same thing:
"serve you right for not speaking malay at home"
huhhhhhhhhh.
okaylah, partly my fault. but its theirs too! they brought me up in an english-speaking family.
but nevermind. better thn D7 enough already. i still feel inferior tho.
mrs heng's been taking care of me these days (:
she called again last night to check on me but i was sleeping. mom answered instead. so both of them talk lah.
thursday was a hell lot of BUTTLOAD. literally.
PT during PE resulted my right butt cheek to feel abit cramped up.
it doesnt end there!
floorball trg was turned into PT cos the hall was being used.
samba, agility, stamina, strength trg, & boxing.
kinda fun.
we "bathed" rury with super cold water & sang like crazy.
played slide at the stairs with izzah, fad & rooo. so funn.. haha. but we just melekat at the mats. so yeah. left skl close to nine man. i was tired, aching, & at the verge of crying i tell you.

parent-teacher conference today.
i felt bad cos i cldnt gather my courage to go up to his mom & sis to salam. i decided to ignore.
moma asked me why i din salam them i gave the reason that im shy.
sigh.
dad's treat tmr.
kak yuni is gg LA for work this month :(
anws, went shopping with mom after the conference. She bought alot of stuffs. i was not in the mood to shop, so i just tagged along. she bought a wedding anniversary gift for dad ((: moma was being sucha darling today. for once, she's asking me to take care of my boyfriend.






i cant be complacent.
pray for strength.