Now that we've chosen to take all we can,

This shade of autumn, a stale bitter end.

Years of frustration lay down side by side,

And it's only you, who can tell me apart.

- Only You, Portishead

"Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else."

*adapted from ilid's*

&! girl, come out & play with me;

went shopping with booboo junow. got what i wanted (: thanks for accompanying me hun. he sent me home & mom found out something while i was away from school i think. she told me to delete that photo away immediately. when i checked, there was none of those sorta photo. & i really took careful precaution not to take such photos too. but it was not as if, i cleared my computer from my intimate photos. there was none even to clean. the last time i got into trouble about these shitty stuffs was eons ago, & i uploaded it into my photo album & deleted traces from my computer. that was it. nothing else, i rarely took photos with him lately anws, cos we have no time to go out to spend proper time with each other. the time we spent in school was it. that was the only time i get with him. the rest outside was spent either for studies, or just short visit to the nearby malls to get lunch or dinner. this isnt fair. i dont think any of my sisters saboed me. i mean, they wouldnt. kak yuni wont like it if i sabo her what. what a word. sabo. yucks. whatever. i never understood mom. her moods are worse that mother nature's. its really getting on my nerves. they (my parents) always thought that what they give to us is LOVE. but what is love. dictionary doesnt give a proper definite meaning to it. how can you ever justify what is love. there's different degree of love. they feeling of love i have towards my parents, my sisters, my cat and my boyfriend ranges vastly. i love my cat most. that's for sure. although she did nothing but sleep, but her presence made me secure when im alone. humans can never give me that kinda feeling. omg im beginning to sound skrewed. anyways, what mom said was nonsense. maybe she saw another photo of me & him but i was like, very close to his face. i was not kissing him at all. why would i wanna take photos of us kissing?! it's really our personal lives. not for any to share with. and ive already deleted our silly & kinky shots when i was angry with him the other time. i nearly deleted all of our photos. only to retrieve them back from the trashcan. haha. loser. this conservativeness is really killing me. but maybe its for my own good too. & i really think it benefitted me. if not for my conservative background, i would have no self-judgement or of any sort. i would have succumbed to peer pressure & also whatever not. but being conservative has its own pros & cons. shant weigh them out cos obviously there's alot more cons than pros. but deeming conservatism as a nuisance is absolutely outta the context. its subjective & depends on each individual's upbringing. you think? i think im ranting too much. better stop it.
{edit @ 8.37pm}
i really think reading the Quran made me feel less tensed. & far, ive only read 1/2 the Quran. yah, go ahead, laugh at me. i know people my age have finished reading the Quran. not once, maybe even twice. so what? anyways, to me, this Ramadhan is fruitful. i wanna collect as many pahala as possible. no more gossipping. no more sinful acts. im all angel. last ramadhan was spent on i cant rmbr what. i only can recall that i did not read the Quran at all. now im like, kinda got used to reading it. although i dont understand majority of the Arabic words la..
oh nvm.
im so bored. i'll do some online surveys then.
gahh
{/edit}

how's a girl plummeting into a rabbit hole in sheer chaos gonna come out unchanged?

the answer, she dont.




Little Black Book is a nice movie.
caught on HBOSignature junow
really changed my perspective of planning ahead for your life.
you can never know what will go wrong.
being disappointed with your plans will only make you feel much much worse.
so dont plan.
let your life flow naturally.
the way God planned for you.
great, there's an ultra huge beetle on my screen.
i'll scream now.